Radio Kenneth

The perplexing question as to where Father Ted star Dermot Morgan suddenly vanished some 10 years ago has finally been answered: he’s been hiding in Belgrade under the assumed identity of Bosnian Serb war criminal, Radovan Karadzic:

What now?

A fourth series?

For the seven people listening, if you’re free on Sunday, a comedy performance thing - featuring probably Guernsey’s greatest living badminton photographer, Robin Ince:

THIS SUNDAY
Jo Brand, Jo Neary, Jo Enright, Tim Minchin, Ed Byrne, Milton Jones,
Steve Merchant, Mark Steel, Mat Holness, Dan Antopolski and Robin Ince
will be performing at the Bloomsbury in a special benefit night for
William’s Fund.

Perhaps my favourite of Robin’s photographs:

Idly tennis surfing in afterglow of Nadal victory. Ended up on this page, documenting the quotations of Miloslav Mecir, who used to be one of my favourite players but on this evidence has yet to break into my top ten epigrammists. It’s hard to say which of these quotes I’m going to be using the most over the coming days:

“I had expected a close match, and I did not know how the first day would end. I’m glad Domino won the important first point.”
“I had a feeling that this is our strongest team. I was very satisfied with both of our guys today.”
“We saw three days of world-class tennis, and in the end the better team won. I congratulate Croatia.”
“I have had a big problem with my back since Christmas. Doctors gave me some infusions but it did not help me a lot. I started with special exercises but doctors do not recommend a long flight.”

As Miloslav Mecir says…..

What Nadal says to Federer, in Henman’s words: “If you go there I’m going to go for it from the word go.”

I’m watching this on a matchbox sized screen on the BBC website. It’s like being back in the 1950s. I’m sitting on two pillows. It’s that exciting. And I have a slightly low chair. Come on Rafa!

Former Sun editor, Kelvin MacKenzie, says he’ll stand against David Davis: “…the Sun has always been up for 42 days, or perhaps even 420 days, frankly.” There, in a single spasticated grunt, exactly why this is so wrong. “What Magick could me thus confine” - it’s magic thinking, this 42 day extension, that somehow our collective “freedom” is protected by a more powerful, less answerable state; it is the magic of CCTV, leeches on the skin of a rotting leg, Katherine Mansfield dying in French cowfarts - the magic of “we know best”. It’s the scene in Top Secret! where a patient in an asylum is being beaten by staff, while the staff keep saying “it’s for your own good… for your own good.” I feel socked to the head and stupid. That’s why it’s so refreshing to hear a bit of personal conviction from David Davis: “and we’re in politics hopefully, and virtually in all cases, for reasons of principle.” You hope. But there’s no nice coffee up this end of Bethnal Green Road. I may go for a nap instead. What were we talking about? Maybe I need some bacon.

This is not a joke.

I imagine there’ll be plenty of: “His name is Paul Worth, he works in Woolworths…” and I’ll bet all the money in my pockets (€1.70) that it tells the story of “just another day in Coventry market”, and won’t feature an unsolved sexual assault behind Rupert’s fish stall resulting in a teen suicide.

Josef Fritzl has reportedly criticised coverage of his case as “one-sided”.

He’s clearly not been reading What Incest and Rape Weekly (incorporating Austrian Rapist).

What I find odd about this case is that, with Fritzl behind bars and his dungeon family released, there is a sense of closure - of a boil that’s been popped. A bit of “How did we let this happen?” (as if there’s a singular “this”) mixed with plenty of “Thank heavens, they’re out”. But OBVIOUSLY we’ve just been granted a glimpse of the insane limbo worlds of domestic rubber-room torture hell that exist everywhere. “What was that noise…? Probably nothing. Next door’s cat?”
We were discussing, today, the possibility of a torture dungeon amnesty. Perhaps international, but certainly in Austria and Belgium. We just want the people out of the ground - you can walk away, no charge. As long as you can prove that the incarceration started *after* the amnesty was announced. (The danger with a torture dungeon amnesty is that it could trigger short term torture dungeon sprees - a danger which has been well documented). I have to shut up now. I have packing to do. This isn’t helping.

Well, a bit it is.

What a boring tie. If my head was on upside down I think I’d wear a fancier tie, to distract. Or a buttonhole. A jaunty handkerchief, even.

Something like this:

“At dusk he came forth regally, and stood in the street before the Gates of Wonder. And from his left arm, where his hand once was, grew a fine tree. And to the tree flocked birds of every colour, courting upon his branches and singing from his leaves.”