Wowing the crowds at this year’s Farnborough International Air Show is “The Bloodhound SSC” (where SSC is short for SuperSonic Car). The Bloodhound team are aiming “to confront and overcome the impossible using science, technology, engineering and mathematics”, by which I think they mean “to achieve the possible…”

I have to admit, the car looks pretty snazzy:

Snazzy yes, but SuperSonic? No. It turns out that what’s been wowing the crowds isn’t the Bloodhound SSC itself. It’s a model. The Bloodhound SSC doesn’t exist. They’re just hawking for backers. The latest, according to the Bloodhound Team is that: “50% of the fuselage build now secured thanks to key product sponsor Hampson Industries”. All that exists right now is a snazzy model. And a sales pitch. Which makes me think that I should be over in Farnborough wowing the crowds and rattling a tin myself, with my design for the UltraSpeedMAX-FLASH, a wave-powered supercar that can do 10,006 mph. Check it out:

Damn, I forgot to label the leather driving wheel. Oh, and a should say, 50% of the leather driving wheel funding is now secured.

Oh my. I’ve gone all giddy. I’ve got butterflies (like it was in those early days with Armin Meiwes). I’ve fallen in love again, and this time it’s with Stuart V. Goldberg — the criminal trial attorney, author and screenwriter, who has just become Lindsay Lohan’s new lawyer (having, I presume, just finished representing the ghost of Liberace in the Case of the Rewired Sunbed):

Immediately do this – go to his website, and watch his video, in which he explains how he grew up in fear of an exploding water tower, how he taught “ediquamentally handicapped kids” (?? – it’s a word I’m not familiar with), and how he yearned to represent the “have nots” as a lawyer.

The video explains how lawyering wasn’t feeding Goldberg’s soul in the right way, so he sat down and wrote “for 568 days straight”, and produced his novel, The One and Only. But how? How did he manage to create such a masterpiece…?

“and it was this Leonardo de Vinci moment. They asked him ‘how did you make those statues?’ and he said ‘I just put my hands in the clay and they came out’.”

I think that’s roughly how he applies his make-up in the morning.

This is Goldberg musing over his typewriter (which, if it’s not in the Smithsonian by now, surely must be on its way):

And here he is, looking every inch the trustworthy defence attorney:

Stuart V. Goldberg. Top trial lawyer by day, top romantic thriller author first thing in the morning. And by night…?

This may work. We’ll see. I’ve just made a podcast using technology (mainly) and some other stuff (I had a Double Decker halfway through). It’s a bit ramshackle, and… well, it’s my first one so I’m cutting myself some slack. It may not even work anyway.

I’m going to try and upload it.

THE NEWS WITH BRIAN LAYCOCK.

Does that work?

[I can't quite tell if it has or not. I've either totally wasted the last 3 hours, or almost totally wasted them..]

Hang on – this is the same thing as an MP3 file, without the nice picture of the bus:

THE NEWS WITH BRIAN LAYCOCK (MP3).

What a boring tie. If my head was on upside down I think I’d wear a fancier tie, to distract. Or a buttonhole. A jaunty handkerchief, even.

Something like this:

this is what I see looking back whenever I look in a locker room mirror.

what do YOU see?

nb this is actually a photograph left on the computer in the Pousada we’re staying in for another 2 nights. What I see looking back when I look in a locker room mirror is generally the man standing next to me, stepping into his shorts, wondering why I’m photographing him, which is never for any sinister reason. I just like to take a photograph of everyone I see. Glimpses don’t count. I have to see the full face. Then I record it, print it, paste it in my files, and test myself at monthly intervals.