I wouldn’t want to give the sermon at *this* funeral

 bad things, love  Comments Off
Aug 202007
 

You know how you might sometimes idly wonder what it is that’s going to do you in. Maybe a moped crash on a Greek island. Maybe a nude gunman in a clock tower. Maybe a long, slow, degenerative disease. Well, here’s one Australian woman who probably didn’t think she was going to be killed by a camel fucking her to death:

Pet camel kills woman ‘trying to have sex’

Nor, I guess, did her husband and daughter, who gave her the camel as a 60th birthday present.

“So, daddy, what shall we get mummy for her 60th birthday?”

“How about….. a camel.”

“One that’s going to fuck her to death?”

“No.”

How wrong they were.

The British Potato Council: I want *in*

 food and drink, goodness me  Comments Off
Aug 122007
 

Life is good at the British Potato Council.

I mean, not only do they get all the potatoes they want, and get to call themselves a Council, they also have people pay them money:

We are funded through a statutory levy on 5,500 potato growers and potato purchasers and we aim to stimulate, develop and promote the GB industry to consumers and our customers.

And what do they do with this money? Well, mainly this:

potatocouncil.gif

Which, in practical terms, means doing things like getting Sharron Davies to tell us why she thinks potatoes are like the best thing ever and what her favourite potato is:

“Potatoes epitomise British food, they’re versatile, they taste great and they are healthy too. They are perfect for making quick, simple and nutritious meals – for me nothing can beat a delicious baked potato. An Estima is an ideal choice for a baked potato.”

So. Sharron Davies likes the Estima. That much we know. Does that come under Research & Development?

You’d better believe it…

 sports  Comments Off
Aug 112007
 

Geoff Ogilvy has been talking a pretty good game at the PGA. Tiger Woods is out in front, having just shot a record-equalling round of 63, and on every one of the 7 occasions in which he’s been leading after 36 holes, Tiger has gone on to win. Still… according to Ogilvy:

“It’s not that ominous. Tiger Woods, he’s just a good player. He does pretty well when he leads for two rounds and even better when he leads after three. So I guess that is kind of ominous.”

We agree then. It’s ominous.

“If you have got someone to chase, maybe you play a bit freer. Maybe it’s a good thing.”

It’s not a good thing. After all:

“He’s the best front runner in history, probably.”

Ogilvy bogeyed the last two holes:

“It’s hard to talk to a guy after splaying the last two holes — a little bit annoyed. I’m happy where I am.”

So he’s happy.

“I’m pretty happy.”

Although earlier:

“I wasn’t happy, hitting bad shots, missing putts, doing silly stuff, then I felt something with the putter on the 12th and hit it close on the next and all of a sudden you’re back to one-over and it doesn’t seem bad.”

But then:

“I realised I was having a pretty good score. That’s when I gassed it.”

So has be blown it? Can he catch Woods? Ogilvy thinks so. Sort of thinks so…

“At some point he’s not going to win. At some point he’s not.”

That’s it. Keep saying it, Geoff.